Making peace

I have had a contentious relationship with the Indian Ocean. My reporting assignment one Sunday was to interview all the members of the band. I have long admired people who can strike up conversations at ease. Even more, I find it fascinating that some people are just so effortlessly likable. I don’t think appearance is the only factor at play here. Some of us are just gifted with a fair sprinkling of charm and intelligence. I am not one of them. I have abysmal social skills to speak of and am awkward around people in social situations. It is also the reason why I do what I do for a living and why I am good at it – it gives me a chance to meet people and engage them in conversation with a purpose because I would never be able to this socially.

So yes, Indian Ocean. I landed up at their hotel room in Pune one Sunday afternoon. The band was going to be performing in the city and I was assigned to meet them. I wasn’t musically as attuned as I am today and was nervous about what I would ask them. Kandisa and Arrey ruk ja re bande were creating waves and the band was being hailed as the best thing to happen to the fusion rock scene in the country. The interview was a disaster. I gingerly sat on the edge of the bed in their room. There was a cricket match on TV and I tried to get in a question every time they would talk to each other about the game completely ignoring my presence. One of them rudely told me that my questions were a waste of their time and I should go google them to get my report done. Another member interjected at this and apologized and said that they were tired. I took my leave. My 20-year old self bewildered about what I would write about that day.

I never willingly read or listened to anything to do with the band after that day. The memory of that afternoon was too raw to be erased. They were frequent visitors to Austin in the five years that I lived there, but I never attended any of their concerts. I was quite content to not have my world collide with theirs again in any way.

Until Masaan happened. As Saturn in Scorpio and a retrograde Venus continue with their upheavals, I sometimes let go to uncaringly float awhile. At times, I fall off. But, just when I find the darkness envelop me, invisible hands sometimes appear to prop me up. This week, Masaan or more accurately Indian Ocean has been the float. Attached to a movie like Masaan, I could not ignore the music never mind if it was the Indian Ocean. When the soundtrack released last month, I found myself being able to listen to it without much of the bitterness and enjoyed the three songs that make up the album. But, try as I could, I found myself with no time to catch the film and predictably, it exited the screens in Bangalore even as I was left only checking the film schedules on bookmyshow through sheer force of habit. I wanted to watch Masaan for various reasons. There is a Pune connection to the movie through the director as well as the writer and lyricist of the film. And were it not for one of my teachers – Samar Nakhate, the director Neeraj Ghaywan would never have been inspired to turn filmmaker.

On Friday, I did something I rarely do. I tried looking for it online. I found a print, but it had the last 15 minutes of the film missing. I then did something I would never do. I decided to watch a film I knew was incomplete. The music hit me even more strongly this time. My heart rose along with the balloons in Tu kisi rail se guzarti hai. So, much so that I paused the movie to revel in just feeling happy. Predictably, I did not enjoy the movie as much as I should have on a bad pirated print, but the music, the music…

I had the album on loop for a fair bit after that. Listening to Mann kasturi re while reading the lyrics. It is my favorite song in the album and I am spending a fair amount of time with it. Simply mediating on life and the lessons we need to learn before we can march ahead with the business of life and its vagaries. I am moved enough to write this. I didn’t plan to write in this space until my schedule turned a little less crazy. I even locked my blog on Friday because I inadvertently accepted a blog invite from the class I am teaching and did not want them to read my blog.

But, I want to record this.

Indian Ocean’s music was the last thing I ever thought would make something bearable for me, but life has a strange way of coming full circle. Maybe something to do with only one member of the original band still continuing to be a part of it? Whatever the reason, Mann kasturi re soothes and allows me to soar. Thank you.

Sharing the jukebox of the album below the video of the song because it only features the first 2:31 minutes of Mann kasturi re…